I am Doctor
by Haloa
Summary: Translated from French, my first language. Spock wakes up in Sickbay. He's feeling pain and fear. Why? And who is this man who wants to cut his legs?
1. prologue

**Title: "I am Doctor."**

**I write again this prologue because I have seen grammatical errors…Sorry but English is not my first language.**

Prologue …

People were shouting and were running around him.

In spite of the thick fog which had blocked his senses, he knew that he was aboard the Enterprise. He was hearing very weakly the reassuring humming of the engines. The smell of disinfectants which usually had caused him nausea had suggested him the idea that he was in sick bay …That and the fact that he was cold because completely naked on an operating table.

A small introspection reminded him that he had no more control of his legs …Was he paralyzed? …No, It was an error! He shouldn't have tried to move them because he felt immense pain now. He was so weak. He was so afraid.

How could he feel fear and pain? Was he not Vulcan?

And this man who roared more than Leonard McCoy?!

What did he say?

"I have an admiral's rank, I am your Superior and I shall decide on what it is advisable to do! Now, get out of my way or you'll be court-martialed for insubordination!"

"You're a silly old fool!"

Spock recognized immediately the voice of McCoy. His presence at his side was reassuring.

"Since how long did you not practice medicine? …Listen to me …At this moment, my team is looking for an antidote to cure them! I am confident that they are going to find it by the night end. And NO! It won't be too late for the Commander Spock! …Leave us a chance to save his legs!"

A syringe touched his arm. Spock was hearing faint voices. The last words he understood were the ones of the unknown man:

"Nurse Chapel! Don't stand there! Put him under anesthetic. And you: go and fetch me that damn kit of amputation!"

Why was he here? What had happened to him? He tried to remember but the sedative injected in his arm prevented him to concentrate and to shout his disagreement!

_My legs …He talks about my legs?! He wants to amputate them_…_Leonard! Jim! Don't let him cut them!_


	2. Chapter one

**Chapter one**

**A new cycle began aboard the Enterprise, in other words it was a new day! Nurse Christine Chapel was just only arrived in sickbay and she could already see the waiting room filled with people.**

"That's promising!" **She sighed before taking a look at her screen. She was at her desk and read the long list of consultations planned today. **"…and that's without the emergencies. Our grumpy Doctor McCoy is going to be in a 'good mood', that's great!"

**Christine took a new look, and no, she was not dreaming! Spock's name was listed!**

_How is it possible?_ **She thought**_**.**__ His previous compulsory examination was only two weeks ago. Did he make himself the decision to see a doctor? He who always comes reluctantly, sometimes after having deleted deliberately the doctor's summons and reminders?_

**It was obvious to everyone that if the second officer of the Enterprise was stubborn the head doctor was even worse! For example, to make sure that Commander Spock would come to his previous visit, he literally saturated his mail box with summons three weeks in advance and the D-day he locked all the access codes of Spock's beloved computers and console on the bridge, so Spock would have nothing to do than to go to sickbay _ under good escort. The two security guards assigned to this task still remember that day!**

**Christine also recognized the other names on the list. They were all Sickbay's regular visitors.**

**Edith Greschman, from botanical sector, had surely forgotten to take her contraceptive pill and today was Monday so …Well, with her, pregnancy tests were rapidly out of stock!**

**The Young engineer John Rietcher probably celebrated **_**again**_** his transfer on the Enterprise. How long ago did he come aboard? Oh yes, it's been three months!**

**Eric Desbains, hypochondriac and depressive, HE was THE Dr McCoy's pain in the ass. What did he catch this time: yellow fever from Xion 6? Meningitis from Xterci: a Romulan colony, or simpler: colon cancer?**

_No need to disturb Dr McCoy to make a diagnosis, _**she thought.**_ To see him, his head in his hands, he surely has the century's headache after masturbating his brain out all night in order to find out what new symptom he has today_.

"Engelmann, Driss and Berger" **she read aloud then, these three lads were **_**sick**_** every month to avoid Mr. Scott's monthly exercises in the engine room…how convenient …cowards!**

_But Mr. Spock,_ **she thought again**_, what's the reason behind his visit today?_

**Christine wanted to know when Mr. Spock made his appointment. She was surprised to find out that he called 5 days ago but cancelled the next day. Eventually he requested a new appointment for today and secured to be received by Dr McCoy himself!**

_So he has been waiting since five days because he wanted absolutely to see McCoy and no one else. But that doesn't make sense! In spite of all their arguments they're friends! Why does he not ask him to be examined in his quarter for example? Surely he wants to be more professional and follow the rule book! But he canceled two times so he hesitated…Maybe it's an annoying problem or an intimate one?_** She concluded.**

**10:00**

**Mr. Spock stands five minutes early in the waiting room. Too bad for him, his turn is after Eric Desbains and the good Doctor is already 45 minutes behind.**

**His back is straight and his face serene but his hands usually wedged into each other in his back are strangely held tightly in front of him. He consults the clock; there's still 4 minutes left. He starts to pace up and down. **

"He walks a few steps; he turns around the front door of Dr McCoy's office then chooses the way out." **The nice nurse said with a sigh.**

**11:00**

**The cabinet's door eventually opens. Eric Desbains seems to be satisfied; his head is no longer in his hands but strangely his symptom passed on Dr McCoy who looks so tired.**

"Damn it Christine, why do we keep this man on board?"

"Um… We have to, because he is a very good geologist."

"Yeah maybe …but how can he find a new symptom every week? And why does he insist to schedule his appointment with me? Please! Can't you stop putting him on my list or I'll be the one to turn depressive!" **He said rubbing his temples.** "Well …Who is next?"

"Are you kidding me Leonard? Do you not read the list of your patients before starting your consultation?"

"Hell NO! I'm too scared to read Eric's name on it! Do you want me to be in the dumps all day? Okay, so who's next?"

"In fact it was the turn of Mr. Spock but he left. He flied away two minutes before his appointment." **Christine said with a sorry look.**

"Spock was here! He came of his own free will!"** Dr McCoy said both surprised and worried.** "What did he catch? I had dinner with him and Jim last night, I must have missed something! Good, I 'm gonna take a break Chris; I have to found out what is wrong."

**He quickly left Sickbay to visit the bridge but instead of the Vulcan he found that Pavel Chekov was at the scientific console.**

"Jim" **He whispered to his captain,** "Do you know where Spock is?"

"Spock? Well no I don't. Two days ago he asked Chekov to replace him this morning, perhaps he's busy with some sort of experiment in one of his favorite labs! You have just to find which one!" **Jim replied, a small smile on his face.**

**James T. Kirk knew that in addition to his posting on the bridge, Spock simultaneously worked on various scientific projects. Spock could be in any of the many laboratories that the Enterprise counted.**

"Jim, do you think I'm stupid enough to look at them one by one? Miss Uhura, be an angel and call Commander Spock, tell him that his presence is required on the bridge, without saying I'm here of course."

**His smile added to his charming accent had their effect on the communications Officer who obtained Mr. Spock's answer.**

"I'm coming Lieutenant." **Could be heard from the microphone she wore in her ear.**

**McCoy took place near the front door of the lift, the only access to the bridge, ready to catch his prey!**

"Bones, I hope that you won't get him involved in a fight like this other day in the refectory" **Jim said while looking at his other friends and officers present,** "none of us has recovered yet …"

"Don't worry Jim, I won't. Sorry, no entertainment for you all today! I'll just have a very little chat with Spock in private. I just hope he won't run away when he 'll see me."

**One minute later, doors opened and the good doctor rushed inside while holding Spock's arm.**

**Indeed, he had been right. Spock was already clinging to the panel control but Dr McCoy was quicker to make his vocal order!**

"Sickbay!"

**If Mr. Spock did no longer offer any resistance to get in Dr McCoy's office, it was most difficult to make him talk about his problem. Spock's straightened position and the place of his hands left no doubt to Dr McCoy. It was a problem with his intimacy but which one? The fear of the first and last Pon Farr resurfaced.**

"Doctor, it is not necessary to examine me, all I want from you is an ointment with fungicides and corticoids. This will do it."

"Spock! I 'm not used to let my patients make their own diagnosis, I'm sorry! I'm a doctor not a pharmacist! So let's talk it over once and for all!"

**McCoy spoke in a gentle way and without anger but his Georgian's accent did not hide his stress.**

**Spock didn't trust him; McCoy was more disappointed than angry.**

**On the other side, Spock was so proud and so private; he dreaded McCoy's mockeries and insults.**

**Doctor McCoy was trying to approach Spock with his tricorder since twenty minutes now. For one McCoy's step forward, Spock moved back 5 steps.**

"Spock! Stop now! I didn't take you to my office to waltz!" **Dr McCoy sighed while putting down his tricorder on his desk. He turned toward his friend and raised his hands as if he surrendered.**

"Doctor, I assure you. I have nothing serious or life-threatening. You don't have to see or touch anything!"

**Spock knew that the doctor did not surrender easily and in fact was going to use his hands and eyes as if these were body scanners.** _Like an old country doctor,_ **he thought.**

"Well! In order to touch you I should already be able to come near you!" **He shouted** **before sadly added:** "Spock, the last time, after your Pon Farr, you had given your word! You promised to come and talk to me before it's too late…And you suffer since one week, do you?"

"It's been 6 days, 24 minutes and 39 seconds since I observed this abnormality…"

"Ah! You said it! What abnormality do you observe and on which part of your anatomy?" **Dr McCoy said with a triumphant smile while taking a look at Spock.**

**First, the Vulcan stared at the floor and sighed. Then he unfolded his shaking hands who hided his crotch. Dr McCoy could see the pointed ears taking a greener shade. **

_He surrenders. He's nervous. I really hope it's not another Pon Farr or a similar state._ **Dr McCoy thought, slowly moving forward Spock.**

**A long silence settled down. McCoy stopped one yard near him. **_Now, I have to wait and let him talk…_

**And five minutes later…**

"It's a …um…an abnormality who appeared on my …on my penis." **Spock said in a whisper.**


	3. Chapter two

"It's a …um…an abnormality that appeared on my …on my penis." Spock said in a whisper.

**Chapter 2**

Spock made it! It was clear that it cost him a lot. McCoy wanted to put a hand on his shoulder to comfort him but it was not James Kirk who stood in front of him, it was Spock, a Vulcan!

"Spock, I know you're uneasy but you must show me…"McCoy gently said while adjusting the light above his desk. "If my office's door is locked, it is not to stop you to run away, it is to prevent someone to enter. And remember, Spock, I already saw this part of your anatomy."

Shyly, Spock made his way to the desk. He took a deep breath and pulled down his trouser and pants.

At first sight, the problem seemed to be an inflammatory skin disorder like eczema or mycosis, nothing special. The question was why here? It was hard to say.

"Spock, I'm sorry but I'll have to touch it." McCoy said while taking out of his pocket a pair of glove in latex.

Spock sighed and closed his eyes in deep concentration. Did he have to remind him he was a touch telepath? No he didn't. He only chose to raise his mental shields and to be patient while answering Dr McCoy's questions in a monosyllabic manner.

"Is it itching?"

"Yes."

"Is it painful?"

"Yes."

_It was a surprising and worrying admission from a Vulcan,_ McCoy thought.

"Is there another lesion elsewhere?"

"No."

"And …It's been one week…"

"Six days thirty minutes and …"

"All right Spock! Skin is supple. Well, it's not purulent but it is expanding!"

"Yes."

"Nevertheless there is nothing on your hands. Tell me Spock! Fifteen days ago, did you not be in charge of the landing party who explored Regalis 8?"

"Indeed. Why do you ask?"

"You finally said another word than yes or no! I really began to worry!" Dr McCoy teased him. "In fact, I have treated two other members of your team this morning for similar symptoms, but only their fingers were wounded. Hum, Spock, do you know a botanist called Edith Greschman?"

Of course he knew her, not for her scientific researches but for her relationships and performances with men. _Her reputation in this field was clear and as one plus one makes two! _Spock concluded.

"Doctor! How can you suggest such a thing?" Spock said while raising his two eyebrows!

In front of Spock's scandalized face laughed loudly. Spock was so offended he immediately pulled up his pants.

"Calm down Spock! I did not suggest anything! I 'm sure you and this woman didn't …well you know!"

"I always keep my calm, doctor, I'm a Vulcan."

"Yes of course. Um...No matter how it got here, I have to take a sample and prescribe you corticoids as for the others. Please relax, it won't hurt."

Five minutes later Dr McCoy was writing a note for the ship's chemist. "You must apply this cream twice a day and you come back here in three, ok?"

"Yes doctor McCoy! And thank you …for this and for your silence."

"Spock, don't be afraid, this will stay between us."

After Spock's sudden departure to the pharmacy, Dr McCoy sat down at his desk and took a glass of his favorite alcohol.

"Mission accomplished!" He said while taking a look at the sample from Spock, alongside two others. The first was labeled 'Greschman' and the other 'Desbains'.

"What will I do with you Mr. Desbains?" He sighed.

This afternoon was not an easy one for McCoy. At 3 o'clock, having resumed consultations, three other samples were added to his collection and one was from Montgomery Scott!

It was a bad surprise for McCoy. The chief engineer was the only one who didn't beam down to Regalis 8. He was hardly in the transporter room for their departure and arrival… "I have a bad feeling." He said.

Three days later, twenty-six new members of this very select club were taking place in Sickbay. He realized that his waiting room was too small. He had no other choice to inform Jim Kirk that an epidemic disease was now aboard the Enterprise… and when he found out that two friends of his were ill …

"Bones! Why did you not tell me sooner? I saw Scotty's hands; it's spreading to his arms! …And Spock? He seems unwell but where are his injuries?"

In front of an agitated and furious Captain Kirk, he pictured Spock without underwear and shook with laughter! James Kirk was stunned.

"BONES! This is not funny!"

"Hum…Sorry Jim! I'm nervous too…And as if this was not enough, we pick up Admiral Jones today, don't we?"

Regaining his seriousness, he hoped to divert Jim Kirk from his previous question because he promised Spock to remain silent.

This Admiral Jones was their next mission which was nothing less than to serve as a taxi for an old admiral who eventually choose to retire on Earth. After that, the entire crew would benefit from a two month vacation on their home planet!

In fact, Admiral Jones's presence aboard the Enterprise frightened McCoy. People forget that in Starfleet a doctor was also an officer! Leonard Horatio McCoy was Doctor first and no one on board called him Lieutenant-Commander!The problem was Admiral Jones was also doctor which had a higher rank than McCoy.

In McCoy's opinion, Doctor Jones, who sat behind a desk doing paperwork during all these years, has forgotten what medicine was. Since how long ago this man has not held a scalpel in his hand?

A month ago, Jim had been amused by McCoy's reaction when he learned the object of their next mission. _Why was he so afraid?_ He thought at the time. _Jones will never take his place! _

But now, Jim was not laughing at all.

The ship was in orbit around Starbase 18. In two hours from now, Admiral Jones would be teleported in the middle of a health crisis! Spock and Scotty, two of his best officers and friends, would be soon under quarantine!

Yes, since the last three days, the situation was getting worse.


	4. Chapter three

**Chapter 3 **

Christine Chapel arrived in McCoy's office and gently reminded Doctor McCoy that his two colleagues Geoffrey M'Benga and Helen Triss were waiting for him.

_I'm saved by the bell!_

In Sickbay, infected crewmembers had been divided into three groups.

McCoy had chosen to personally take care of Spock and Scotty. He spent his day to observe the disease's progression from his friends. He regularly had made blood tests and new scanners. Moreover, he gave those appropriate cares, comfort and painkillers they needed.

All scientists were requisitioned to solve this problem. Naturally, precautions were taken to not be contaminated in their turn.

None microscopic fungus or bacterium and no virus caused the disease. No treatment seemed to work and wounds were spreading to other parts of the body.

In the afternoon, all infected crewmembers were put in quarantine and separated, women on one side and men on the other side.

Having to share a room with all his colleagues wasn't annoying for Scotty. After all, he was already sharing their fate.

For Spock, it was another story because he was a private person. His injuries were in an awkward places. Spock had tried desperately to hide them. He was so ashamed that he wished to be alone!

Fortunately, he was under McCoy's care and the good doctor had quickly moved him in a recovery room. There, he explained it would be better for him to re-create Vulcan's atmosphere than to freeze with the others.

Spock was not saying anything but Leonard was able to read Spock's gratefulness in his eyes.

_No problem, my Vulcan friend!_

_One problem resolved! _ He thought until he discovered that Admiral Jones had arrived aboard the Enterprise!

McCoy was right! Admiral or Doctor Jones was an 82 years old man who immediately claimed to be called "Supreme Chief of operations"…And this was not a joke. He had also taken his quarters in McCoy's office to oversee _his_ team's actions!

_God, save us!_

It was clear that Doctor Jones had not practiced medicine for a long time and wanted to show his superiority to his young colleagues like McCoy.

"I want your report now…" He ordered. "What did you find? Bringing relief is good but it's better to cure them. Your priority is to find the origin of the disease! Then, you have to find its main mode of transmission…It seems to me that even a first-year student knows that …" He muttered while looking intensively at Dr McCoy.

"Well …_My report_…" He began. _Leonard, keep calm!_

The crew was infected by direct contact with broken skin or a plant that contained a toxin. That's what McCoy and the others had understood while hearing the story of those who had been teleported on Regalis 8. This team was composed of 8 scientists and 4 security guards under Spock's orders.

They had only eaten and drank what had been packaged aboard the ship. The majority was first wounded on their hand (the minority was Spock himself!)

So, what did they touch? Stones, plants and flowers? Of course, this was their job!

What about the other infected crewmembers? In fact, all were scientists who studied samples collected by their team-mates. And none were wearing gloves! At first, they had pins and needles in their fingers. One week later, they complained about painful and hideous wounds.

But for Scotty, why and how was he contaminated? Touching a tiny wound on a security guard's arm was a really stupid action. Scotty gave him that advice: "_go and show this to Doctor McCoy, lad!" _

Some days later, he had to do the same!And now, Scotty could not use his hands anymore.

Jim Kirk came back in Sickbay to cheer up his chief engineer and his crew members. He had heard Admiral Jones shouting on nurses and doctors. All were too young and incompetent for his taste! Jim also hoped to see Spock. It was so strange to know that he was ill! The Vulcan was rarely missing on the bridge. Captain Kirk stopped walking in front of Spock's isolation room. He saw his First Officer through the open door. He was walking on both his legs but something troubled him. His walk was not his. Jim knew he was suffering.

Spock was leaving the bathroom when he saw Jim Kirk. He quickly went to bed and covered his legs. McCoy was there too. He locked the door in front of Kirk's worried face.

Fifteen minutes passed and McCoy re-opened the door. Jim Kirk had not moved one inch. Spock was always in his bed, trying to hide the urinary catheter between his legs. He was as white as a sheet.

Jim smiled. He was uneasy. He was waiting an invitation to enter but the invitation never came.

Eventually, McCoy left the room. The atmosphere was suffocating in here but not only because of the high temperature.

McCoy located Jones in a corridor and tugged kirk's sleeve in the opposed direction. They ran to McCoy's office.

"Tell me Bones! How is he?"

"He's not well. He's still moving his legs but in a few hours…Jim, I had to help him with painkillers. He doesn't control anything… Jim, it's like gangrene! If other parts of his body are infected …If the main organs are infected …"

"Don't say it!"

Jim's mind was boiling_! What is he trying to tell me? That he should cut his legs?_

Jim tried to divert the conversation by asking what they had found about this disease.

Leonard McCoy took a slow breath to regain his calmness.

"We discovered that a toxin contained in a small bush of Regalis 8 was the cause of the problem. One contact with leafs is not immediately itching but it become after one or two days. Samples have been distributed in different laboratories. And do you know why I'm so angry, Jim? Those scientists who were infected were not wearing gloves! That's all! Luckily the majority has taken this precaution."

"So, there is no danger to have other victims?

"None."

"But …I have seen Scotty's and Spock's hands …If they had to touch this bush to be infected…Why Spock's injuries seemed to be located in his legs?

"Jim…"McCoy sighted. "Why do you ask again? Please…It's a little embarrassing."

"Bones! I want an answer!"

"Damn it! He's infected in both his legs but it began …well…in a zone between his legs…"

"Uh-oh…You mean…"

"YES! Jim… Vulcans drink like us and …well …He has pissed against a bush. Shit! He has heard someone's footstep so he came nearer and …That's all! It was a stupid accident." He chuckled a little, his face flushed. "Poor guy…"

Yes. This was confirmed by Spock who recognized the bush's picture. If Spock had not been so badly affected they would have laughed louder.

"And now?"

"Now…We have to wait. My colleagues are searching for an antitoxin. We need to make some tests before we can use it but I'm confident. It's only a matter of time… a few hours at most." McCoy said while putting his hand on Kirk's shoulder. "And Jim …I have no intention to cut his legs…I'm a doctor, not a butcher."

Jim smiled. Unfortunately his smile did not last very long.

"Doctor McCoy! Doctor McCoy! Admiral Jones is insane! You must stop him!" Nurse Chapel was shouting while Dr M'Benga was running just behind her.


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter four**

Spock had opened his eyes after another attempt at meditation. He was in a dark room. In a corner, a computer's screen was producing a faint light. Someone was here in this room. Someone he had never saw. From his bed, Spock could see that this stranger, an old man was reading his medical files. What he muttered had not seemed to be encouraging.

"Mister?" Spock said in a faint tone due to pain and medications.

His emotions and his fears had taken over. Spock was alone, unable to move, and restrained by perfusions and by one particular catheter. The man was coming nearer. He looked at Spock and suddenly lifted up the blanket that was covering his naked body. His nakedness was necessary to facilitate his cares and this blanket was his last protection against this stranger.

"Who are you?" He asked while trying to cover his intimacy with both his hands.

"I'm Admiral Jones or Doctor Jones." He muttered again before adding "They have already wasted a lot of time. The blistering is spreading to his hips which are greener. It's obvious that his abdomen will be soon infected. What the Hell? What is this McCoy waiting for?"

If Jones had lifted his eyes he could have seen that Spock's cheeks and pointed ears had also become greener by shame.

"Hey nurses! Come here!"

_No! Please, no!_ Spock mentally shouted. This couldn't be worse! Except to be naked in front of a demi dozen of nurses!

Luckily, Christine Chapel alone responded to the call. She entered in the room and without looking at Spock's body she promptly picked up the blanket on the ground. Then she tucked him in as if he was a child.

Nurse Beckett who was in charge of Spock's cares entered one minute later. This man had his complete trust. _Help has arrived!_ He thought.

"You two, you will move him to the operating theater and make him ready for an amputation. All those incompetents have waited too long! Go!" He shouted.

Nurse Chapel was the first to react by running away.

"You have no right to do this!" Beckett said, stupefied.

"I have no right? I'm Doctor and I'm Admiral! Now do what I order!"

Beckett was now looking at Spock. He was sorry but had no other choice than to obey. He was only a nurse. He approached Spock's bed, and then moved him onto a stretcher. On his way toward the surgery room, Jones had recruited two other nurses and one internal in medicine. The young man ran to prepare the anesthetic. He was too happy to assist the admiral! He was a really good ass-kisser too!

They set down Spock softly on the operation table. All had acted in a gentle way except the young doctor who hit hard the Vulcan with a hypodermic syringe in the neck.

A thick fog blocked his sight. His memory was troubled.

He knew that he was aboard the Enterprise, surely in Sickbay. He was completely naked on an operating table.

A small introspection reminded him that he had no more control of his legs …Was he paralyzed? …No, he was not! He shouldn't have tried to move them because now he felt painful …

Spock has recognized immediately McCoy's voice. His presence at his side was reassuring.

A man was shouting on Leonard McCoy.

What did he say?

"I have an admiral's rank, I am your Superior and I shall decide on what it is advisable to do! Now, get out of my way or you'll be court-martialed for insubordination!"

"You're a silly old fool!"

"Since how long did you not practice medicine? …Listen to me …In this moment, my team is looking for an antidote to cure them! I am confident that they are going to find it by the night end. And NO! It won't be too late for the Commander Spock! …Leave us a chance to save his legs!"

A syringe touched his arm. Now, Spock was hearing faint voices. The last words he understood were the stranger's words:

"…Go and fetch me that damn kit of amputation!"

Why was he here? What had happened to him? He tried to remember but …the sedative injected in his arm prevented him to concentrate…and to shout his disagreement!

_My legs …He talks about my legs?! He wants to amputate them_ …_Leonard! Jim!_ _Don't let him cut them!_

Slowly, he lost consciousness.

**Two days later…**

Spock awoke in the room he occupied before his transfer to the operation room. First, he heard the faint sound of his heartbeat coming from a monitor above his head. Fine, he was alive…

Then he closed his eyes and concentrated on the lower half of his body…He could feel the connection between his brain and his legs but these was refusing to respond his orders. He remembered a phenomenon called the ghost member. A man whose an arm has been amputated told his doctor that he could still feel pain in his fingers…This was not logical …but his pain was real!

In his case, Spock felt nothing. No pain, no sensation… He tried to touch his thighs but he was so weak, he hardly succeeded to lift one finger!

_What is done is done_…He sighed while reopening his eyes. It was when he realized someone was seated in a chair, on the other side of his room. Two blue eyes were looking for him, two sad eyes…

"Hi Spock!" Doctor McCoy said in a low tone.

"Good morning Dr McCoy."

"I'm happy to see you're awake. How do you feel?"

"I …I'm alive and tired."

"Yes, you're alive. You've been asleep for two days, you received a massive dose of anesthetic due to an …well…an incompetent young doctor…He gave you an elephant's dose! So, you'll be dizzy for another day or two but eventually you'll be fine, Spock."

"Yes …I'll be fine." Spock responded on the same sad tone. What could he say? Dr McCoy had saved his life but … What will be his future life?

With no legs he would have to resign from Starfleet and leave the Enterprise and all his friends! What about his options? He would be able to find another job, with his brain and his hands he could always be a scientist, on Earth or on Vulcan! A return to his home planet, in his father's home…No he could not do that! Down there he was known as a half-breed, half-Vulcan and half-human and now …half-body… a head and two hands, that's all. Memories of his childhood resurfaced. He could hear teasing and insults from his schoolmates. He remembered how he had suffered and what he did when he had wanted to escape them: running, running in Vulcan's desert, feeling the wind in his hairs…Now this was impossible. He'll have to live in a wheelchair and will need someone to help him for anything!

_No. It's not so bad! I'm not like Captain Pike, I still have my hands and …and I can speak to my friends and … _

Fear and anger … A whirlwind of emotions invaded his mind. He was Vulcan, he should not be angry for what happened! Spock closed his eyes and turned his head to the wall. He had to regain control of his emotions now that small tears were dropping down his face.

Doctor McCoy stood up from his chair and was ready to leave when he heard faint questions from his friend.

"Where are …What did you do with my …"

"Huh?" He said while approaching Spock's bed. Now he was sure he was hearing sobs!

"Spock! What's happen? Are you crying? "

Dr McCoy was afraid. It was the first time he saw a Vulcan crying! Spock had difficulties to breath. His chest rose and fell at a furious pace…

"Spock, stop now!" He begged, not knowing what to do next! Instinctively McCoy hugged Spock, whispering in his ears: "It's all right, Spock, I'm here …"

In a new attempt, the Vulcan tried to question him.

"Where…Where are my …? Where did you put them?"

"Spock, what do you want to know?" McCoy asked again. Suddenly, he frowned in horror. He remembered that Spock had already closed his eyes while Admiral Jones was shouting his orders in the operating room! He hadn't thought that Spock was still conscious at this time and could hear all what had happened around him!

_Spock thinks he has been amputated!_

"Spock! Keep calm! Your legs are where they should be, right here!" Dr McCoy said, patting Spock's left leg. "I will show you…"He added, taking him in a sitting position and lifting the blanket that covered his body.

Spock was still shaking but he was trying to regain his control. Stigmas of the disease remained but both his legs were there (and also his penis). The swelling and blisters have diminished while small scars have appeared.

He was in one piece! He looked at McCoy who gently smiled in return. He was in McCoy's arms, naked again but happy! Yes, he really was happy!

"I can't move them…" Spock told him, uneasy.

"Do not be afraid. I use epidural anesthesia to bring down your pain level…I will gradually reduce the dose."

"I am so ashamed, doctor. I lost my control …I 'm sorry. It's not a Vulcan's dignified behavior…" Spock said when leaving McCoy's embrace.

"Spock! You're too tired and under anesthetic's effect. I'm not hurt by your behavior! Don't expect me to criticize your lack of emotional control because I'm not Vulcan! …But actually, you can be sorry for two things!"

"Huh?" Spock said, one eyebrow raised.

"Yes, you can. How can you believe that I might let someone cut your legs? I'm a doctor, not a butcher! And more importantly, how can you believe that I might allow an admiral giving orders in MY sickbay?" Doctor McCoy said smiling gently at Spock.

"Indeed." Spock answered. _But why was McCoy so sad then? _

In touch with humans for two decades, Spock had learned to read the emotions on his friends' faces. He could see McCoy's smile but also read the sadness in his eyes!

_Something remains unsaid…But what is it?_


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter five**

Three days had passed. Spock's progresses were improving slowly. He hardly could stand up for 10 minutes and make a few paces without having his legs shaking like in an Earthquake! Dr M'Benga has explained that his muscles were deeply wounded and it would take a few more days before he could walk alone. But now, he needed help. The catheter between his legs had been removed this morning and he wanted to go in the bathroom. Should he ask a nurse for help? With Nurse Beckett off duty, he had no other choice than to request the female nurse to come and accompany him to the toilet.

But when he released the call button above his bed, he was surprised to see Montgomery Scott entering his room. Both his hands had been bandaged and seemed unable to function but the smile on Scotty's face was genuine when the engineer said "Let me help you!"

Spock raised an eyebrow.

Two men, two legs and two hands non-functional, that's marvelous!

Scotty had managed to support him in the men's facilities.

"Ok! We are arrived! Um …Do you need something else?"

"Well…I…I require solitude."

"Oh…Yes…Of course." Scotty said while retreating on the other side of the door. "I'll wait you here."

"Thank you Mister Scott!" Spock answered, uneasy.

10 minutes later, Spock was rested in his bed, Scotty in a chair by his side.

"Mister Spock, I have a question. When was the last time you saw Doctor McCoy or the captain?"

Spock didn't reply. The silence was finally broken by Scotty two long minutes later.

"This is so strange. We are both confined in Sick bay and they don't come to see us."

Again this feeling… _Something remains unsaid…_This was echoing in his mind.

It was true. In fact, he saw McCoy the day he woke up but since that day …Nobody else than Dr M'Benga or Dr Triss came to see his progresses…

And why his captain had not taken one minute to see him? Was he not his friend?

Scotty was sorry. He had guessed Spock's thoughts.

"Come on lad! We have to find what is going on! First, we have to check his office, this is only a few yards from here…I'm sure we will find him asleep under an amount of paperwork!"

Spock nodded and began to stand with Scotty's help, when a voice made them stop!

"Mister Scott! I'm looking for you since 20 minutes! Why did you leave your bed when it was time for your care?"

"But Miss Chapel, you have already changed my bandages this morning and take a look at…"

"Nurse Chapel, Mister Scott was helping me to…"

"Mister Scott! Your doctor has ordered me to change them twice a day! Now go back to your room, Mister! Have you already forgotten that you had a new skin on your hands! And you, Mister Spock, you have to call me when you need something!" She said firmly. "One minute! Did you plan to escape from Sickbay?"

"Well…In fact…We have just planned to go and search for Doctor McCoy or the Captain…"Spock explained.

Christine Chapel became suddenly embarrassed.

"Well …I …I will call the captain…Please, wait here!" Christine begged in a strange voice.

Scotty was astonished by the sudden change of tone and attitude of Christine.

_Something remains unsaid…_

Five minutes later, Jim Kirk entered Spock's room and has faced the two men. He looked extremely tired. It was the afternoon on the ship and he was not even shaved yet!

"Spock …Scotty…I am sorry, I did not have the time to see you yet…Christine told me you wanted to see Bones but …It's impossible."

"Captain, please, tell us what's happening here! Where is Dr McCoy?" Scotty asked.

"What happened to Admiral Jones?" Spock added.

"What? Mister Spock, we don't care about what happened to that man! We want to know what happened to Leonard!" Scotty said in a furious tone while seeing the looks exchanged between his two friends. Well, he had heard some rumors about an argument between McCoy and Jones but … Was McCoy missing because of Jones?

"Please gentlemen, sit down!" Jim sighed.

James Kirk sat down himself in a chair while Spock and Scotty were seated on Spock's bed.

"I …I don't know where to start." Jim told them.

"You can tell us where is Leonard!" Scotty said in a serious tone.

"Well…Yes…I can tell you that. Leonard is confined in his quarters…"

"Confined?"

"Scotty, please don't interrupt me!" Jim said firmly.

"I'm sorry …Captain."

"Scotty, call me Jim here! So, Bones is confined in his quarters because I refused to put him in jail. Since three days I'm trying to convince Admiral Jones and Starfleet command to not blame Bones for what he did…"

"He saved us all!" The engineer shouted.

"Scotty! What did I ask you?" Jim sighed before continuing his story. In front of him, Spock was listening with an inexpressive face.

"…Bones hit Admiral Jones with a hypospray containing an anesthetic and a powerful hallucinogenic… Admiral Jones has joined Alice in Wonderland for six hours… You know our good doctor and his delicate manners.

"Bones uses hyposprays faster than his shadow…"Scotty said with a faint smile.

"Then, he has restrained Admiral Jones in bed and ran toward the laboratory when he worked with his colleagues on an anti-toxin. Two hours were enough to find a cure! McCoy raced to your room, Spock, and started the IV treatment with you first…When Jones woke up, he was furious. Despite the fact that you two and the others were safe, he ordered me to arrest Leonard for insubordination and attack on a Superior Officer! Please, believe me, I tried to defend him but they didn't listen to me. Geoffrey and Helen Triss have also pleaded in his favor. I think you know about his file. He has previous history of insubordination…He has always been strong headed. The Council of the Association of Physicians has given his opinion but Leonard hadn't made a medical error. On the contrary he discovered a new cure for a new disease! They even recommended Leonard for a medal… But some admirals have complained he has gone too far by attacking an admiral. They're Jones's friends I'm sure. They want to make an example of McCoy, but not for his good action…They eventually made known their decisions two hours ago…"

James Kirk had closed his eyes. He was unable to look at his friends while finishing his story. His throat was constricted and he felt nauseous. He was so tired.

"What did they decide?" Scotty said in a whisper.

Jim sighed. He was so tired. "Sending him in court-martial is unthinkable. He is a rewarded doctor who does his job. They are too afraid that the media seize of the matter. So they gave him two options. First, he resigns and returns to civilian life. Second option, he loses his rank and restarts his career from scratch. It means losing his posting as CMO aboard the Enterprise. They _offer_ him to send him on an isolated outpost far away from …nowhere! McCoy chose the first option…Now, Leonard is in his quarters. He is packaging all his belongings. The ship is approaching Earth. It will be in orbit in ten hours."

"But …It's unfair! He saved us! Admiral Jones is a senile fool!" Scotty said, furious.

For the first time, Spock gave them a sign of emotional reaction. His hands were slightly shaking.

Spock had listened Jim, trying to not show his anger and his culpability.

Three days ago when he woke up in this same room, he had believed that his life aboard the Enterprise and his career had come to an end. He had thought having to leave his friends and beginning an uncertain new life, alone. During all these years, his friends have become his family.

Now, this was McCoy's future life…His friend had risked his career for him.

"It's my fault…" Spock said. "He had broken the rules to save my legs…"

"No, Spock! It is not your fault. It is Jones's fault and his ego." Jim stood up and came near his friend. He hesitated but finally he took Spock's hands in his.

"I will miss him…" Scotty said sadly.


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

The corridors were deserted and dark despite the night lighting. It was his last steps aboard the Enterprise. Leonard McCoy had not said goodbye to his friends. He thought sadly that it would be easier to leave, for him as for them…They only should notice his absence in the morning. He stopped in front of the transporter room's door and took a deep breath. He was wearing civilian clothes and a small luggage on his shoulder. His other belongings had already been transported on Earth, one hour ago.

"It's done. I'm not in Starfleet anymore."

Leonard sighed and opened the door. Suddenly, his legs were like jelly. All his friends were there when it was two pm. Uhura, Sulu, Chekov and Scotty who was supporting Spock with Jim's help.

"Do you have really thought that you could leave without saying goodbye?" Jim said. He was sad but not angry.

"Well…I tried." The doctor whispered.

"Doctor. We won't let you leave so easily, you know!" Uhura said.

"Yes! We will find a way to keep you with us!" Scotty added. "Starfleet Command made a terrible mistake! They will listen to us now that Spock and I can testify!"

"Testify." McCoy has repeated slowly.

"Yes! We will testify that your actions saved us!"

Leonard shook his head. "Please, Scotty. Listen to me. It's finished. What I did was a mutiny! I hit an admiral! There is nothing you can do or say, they won't change their mind…Jim has already tried without success. I'm not sorry for what I did. To tell you the truth, I can do it again! But now, I must face with the consequences of my actions. I'm not in Starfleet anymore …but I'm and I will always be a doctor! They can't do anything against this. I thank you all for your presence here. I will miss you."

"…And we will miss you too!" Uhura said, on the verge of tears.

"Doctor McCoy. May I ask you …What have you planned to do next?" Spock asked, uneasy.

"Of course, Spock. In the past few years, I received a lot of tempting propositions from many hospitals and private clinics. But I'm going to reopen my father's consulting-room. I will also accept a posting as surgeon at part time in the Emory Hospital…In Atlanta."

"So…You don't plan to return in Starfleet?"

"Spock. I know that you're feeling guilty but you're not the one who broke rules. It's a human thing, you know. I'm sorry to let you with all these crazy and illogic humans here!" He said smiling. "Promise me to keep your Vulcan eyes on them all for me, especially on that one, OK?" He added while pointing a finger at Jim Kirk. If you don't, I promise to come back and to kick your green ass!"

"I will obey your last order scrupulously, doctor."

"Thank you, Spock. Ok, everybody! It's time to say goodbye!"

"Good luck, Bones! We will stay in touch, right?" Jim said while hugging his friend.

"Of course, Jim! And I hope to see all of you soon, maybe before your departure for your next mission. Don't forget that you're in vacation for two months!"

"Sure, we could spend one day together!" Scotty added happily.

"So it's decided. I invite you all in the house of my parents."

"The last day of our holiday?" Uhura asked, smiling now.

"Yes. Jim will give you the address…"

"I shall spend my recovery time on Vulcan but I will return to see you that day." Spock explained.

"We will all be gathered there!" Sulu said while looking at Chekov who nodded.

Leonard walked lightheartedly on the transporter. "See you soon!"

Scotty was at the console with Jim when he disappeared.


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

**Spock was observing the setting sun on Shikkar, by the window of his bedroom. It was his last night in his parents' house. He shall go away to Earth tomorrow morning. After two months of recovery, he had no after-effects of his previous misfortune.**

**His civil clothes were perfectly folded on his bed, as his uniform of Starfleet officer. **

**But tomorrow, he will not join the Enterprise. First, he has to join his friends in Georgia, in the house of McCoy's parents.**

**Jim has called him the day before, confirming the spacioport of San Francisco as meeting place. Nyota Uhura shall travel with them to Atlanta.**

"**Spock! I bring your light items, some jams and tea for you and your friends. Are you sure that you have no place for more in your suitcase?" Amanda asked, entering in his bedroom.**

"**Mother. I assure you that I have already calculated what place would be necessary for each item …"**

"**I know, my son, I know…" Amanda sighed. "…You have all planned, to the nearest cubic inch! You were already good at the Tetris game, as a little boy." She said, smiling.**

**Spock has recognized two emotions melded in his mother. The joy to tease him tonight and the sadness to see him go away tomorrow…He was sad himself, but, of course, he did not show it.**

"**Thank you for the jams and tea, Mother."**

"**Oh…It is nothing, really. But, tell me, have you thought of bringing something to your friend's mother?"**

"**My friend's mother? Mrs. McCoy? …Mother, I am embarrassed! I have forgotten this custom to bring a present to the hostess! Do you think that flowers will be suitable?"**

"**Flowers! This is a very nice idea, Spock! However, I suggest that your friend Jim help you with the choice of color and variety. You know that there is a language of flowers, right?"**

"**You refer to certain flowers or colors that are associated with a feeling or a special occasion."**

"**Yes, Spock. Do you remember my lessons about the roses?"**

"**Red roses are for **_**Love**_**! I have observed that, these previous two months, Father has brought you a lot of those same roses!"**

"**Spock!" Amanda exclaimed in a false outrageous tone, her cheeks reddened. **

**In front of her, Spock was smiling…a real smile only for her!**

"**Mother. I think that I never observed such interaction between Father and you when I was young. Was it common that my father gave you flowers without logical reason?"**

**Amanda giggled. She was really amused by Spock's inquiry.**

"**My dear son…Your father has always offered me flowers for a logical reason! He knows that I like it! So, during all those past years, He brought me new species of flowers from his diplomatic travels! You know, my garden did not appear in one day! However, he**** chose them in a logical way, according to their resistance to high temperatures of Vulcan!"**

**"But …Red roses are not appropriated to this environment…" Spock teased his mother.**

"**Except for red roses with DNA modified! Your father knows these are my favorite flowers."**

"**So …Does he bring you these red roses because you love them or because he loves you?"**

"**Hmm…Your father knows the language of flowers so I will answer: both!"**

"**I had never noticed…I mean, I had never noticed that he brought you flowers. It is a gesture so …human!"**

"**Spock, during your teens, I think that you had other preoccupations in head that observe the interactions between your parents…I am happy to know that you notice now…You have matured. And you seem more serein." She added tenderly.**

"**Yes. Plus, Father and I have a best understanding of each other. These last two months were very instructive."**

"**I'm so glad for you two. I hope that this understanding will continue despite your departure tomorrow… "**

"**Mother, your fear is illogical. Father understands that I have to complete my work aboard the Enterprise, where are my friends…"**

"**Honey, I don't try to keep you here…I promise!"**

"**I know. And I promise that I will return on Vulcan, on my next leave if it is a reasonably long period."**

"**Good. I will let you finish your suitcase…Your father is already in the lounge, near the three-dimensional chessboard…"**

"**In this case, I will hurry. Thank you Mother!"**

**Two days later, Spock and Nyota were discussing in front of a flower shop in Atlanta. Both were waiting for Jim which had rented a car one week earlier.**

"**Yellow pansies! No, Spock! You really know nothing about the language of flowers! Yellow is for Infidelity!" Nyota sighed, trying to explain for the fifteenth time why his choice was inappropriate!**

"**Lieutenant! How could she think I'm unfaithful while I've never met her?"**

"**Mister Spock! Why do not choose according to their esthetic aspect instead of their symbolism? Please …Personally, I like these purple orchids!"**

**Spock and Nyota were fully concentrated and did not hear Jim's arrival.**

"**Hey! Did you two forget that I was waiting at the way out number 6?"**

"**Sorry, Captain! But Spock and I were searching for a flower shop!"**

"**You want to buy flowers, Spock? For Bones?" Jim chuckled, picturing Spock offering a bunch of roses to Bones!**

"**In fact, Jim, my mother reminded me that it is polite to offer flowers to his hostess…But Nyota and I disagree …Orchids or pansies?"**

"**Oh …You have expected to meet Leonard's parents, today…"**

"**Well, it seems that we are going in their house. Or maybe our meeting place has changed?"**

"**Ahem…No, Spock." Jim said, confused.**

"**Captain …I mean, Jim!" Nyota knew that off duty she can call him by his first name. "I also heard the doctor invited us in his parents' home."**

"**I am sorry. You misunderstood but it was not your fault. You didn't know. Leonard's mother died ten years ago. As for his father, he died only six months before the arrival of Bones on the Enterprise. Bones had no sibling, so he inherited. But, despite that three years have passed, he is unable to refer to this huge house otherwise than his parents' home. That said, the idea of offering the flowers is great…If we have time to stop at the cemetery…"**

"**This is so sad, Jim, Leonard living alone in his house!"**

"**Yes…But today, he won't be alone. We will be with him!" Jim said.**

"**Right, Jim." Spock has added, hiding his surprise and his sadness. Leonard had already lost a lot…The love of his wife, the custody of his daughter, his mother, his father, and now his work aboard the Enterprise…Suddenly, his guilt resurfaced.**

_To be continued…_


End file.
